THE VALUE OF ADDING A COACH TO YOUR COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE TEAM
By: Ann Kreindler-Siegel, LCSW, BCC, PLLC
When couples divorce, they often engage the services of attorneys before seeking any other professional to help guide them through the process. Attorneys are necessary for the legal aspects of the divorce. In addition, attorneys need to draft any legal agreements that are made, as couples transition from a married couple in one home to leading separate lives.
What most attorneys and couples do not recognize is the value of adding a coach to the collaborative divorce team. Attorneys are trained in the law. They are not specifically trained in communication, especially healthy communication techniques, that couples need throughout the process of their separation and divorce. In addition, the skills of a well-trained, and seasoned coach help couples going through this process not only communicate more smoothly but also much more effectively. A coach can be invaluable for helping couples learn to negotiate options for what they each would like to see as an outcome, create shared parenting agreements and holiday schedules, and work with the many emotions that may arise throughout the process.
Most couples that do not engage the services of a coach believe that adding a collaborative divorce coach will add unnecessary expenses to the process. Divorce can be a costly process; however, the reality is that adding a coach saves money throughout the process, as most issues are more efficiently and smoothly dealt with when a coach is added to the team. In addition, it is easier for a couple to remain amicable, even post-divorce when they have worked with a coach. While working with a coach, couples learn new skills such as how to draft appropriate emails, how to communicate and interact going forward after the initial separation how to tell the minor, or adult children about the divorce, and how to rebuild their lives individually and as two families created from one.
A coach also offers an opportunity for couples to experience lasting closure in the divorce process. Couples I have worked with report a much less burdensome transition post-separation than they expected, and that they move forward into the next chapter with more ease and confidence. The goal of Collaborative divorce is to amicably come to agreements that allow both individuals, and any children involved, to feel more settled during, and long after the separation and divorce. Why would that not be a gift during a time in peoples’ lives that is so difficult?
Ann Kreindler-Siegel, LCSW, BCC, PLLC, has been a couples and divorce coach for 14 years and works with couples every day and has throughout her practice. She has been a psychotherapist in private practice for 39 years and a trained divorce coach since 2010. She is board certified, collaboratively trained, and has worked with couples to ease the burdens of this process, help them get their needs and wants met, creatively draft shared parenting agreements, and also improve communication. In addition, she is trained as a somatic experiencing practitioner to help settle anxiety, which is, of course, a normal response to separation and divorce.