So the words have been spoken, “I want a divorce.” It may be your choice, the choice may be being made for you – either case the next steps that follow are pivotal for the healing and success of you and your family. However, most people do not have a lot of experience in how to divorce much less divorce well so they turn to their family, friends and co-workers for advice. Many well-meaning people but they usually don’t possess much more education than you have and it may be severely lopsided because they share from the lenses of how divorce has shown up in their own lives – personally (what they did or didn’t get…), a family member went through a divorce and they share that experience (you need to hire the “best” attorney in town…) or they may refer to a divorce realty show (judge Judy says…). What you need is a Divorce Coach.
Divorce coaching is fairly new so let’s do some explaining about this professional role. They should be trained with specific skills as a Divorce Coach and understand the divorce process well professionally (while having gone through a divorce themselves may be valuable it isn’t the only qualification!).
First, I want to say what a Divorce Coach will not do:
- Provide your legal advice (reserved for your attorney)
- Provide your therapy or counseling (reserved for your therapist)
- Provide your financial or tax advice (reserved for your CPA)
Second, I want to say what a Divorce Coach will coach their clients to do:
- Be solution-focused rather than be focused on the “win” in a divorce
- Be clear, specific and reasonable about theirs and their family’s need and wants
- Learn clear and effective communication skills to work effectively with their attorneys, other professionals, spouse and their children
- Truly concentrate on their children’s best interest rather than getting back at their spouse
- Build a professional divorce team that will serve their goals well (collaborative process, mediation, which attorney to choose, therapist needed, child specialist, CDFA – certified divorce financial analyst, CPA…)
- To become empowered and willing to move their lives forward
- Be able to participate meaningful in the divorce process
A Divorce Coach should complement the work and expertise provided by an attorney and helps the professional team communicate and work well together for the goal of their client. A Divorce Coach should help their client be able to make better choices, communicate more effectively, balance their emotions, stay focused, and work toward a fair resolution of their divorce matter. This then will be a win for the client!
Sandra Lee is a Certified Divorce Coach and Divorce Mediator with Emerge Victorious, growing through and beyond divorce and has 16 years of experience. www.EmergeVictorious.com